From Orlando Sentinel columnist George Diaz:
A Foster Father's Joy - and Heartache
He came to us last October late on a Monday afternoon, wearing a gray tank top and no shoes or socks. All of his possessions were in a plastic Publix grocery bag.
The placement woman from the Children's Home Society had cold-called as she always does, with a calm sense of urgency, looking for foster parents to take in a 22-month-old foster child. There was very little information available about him, but we asked a few questions, took a deep breath, and welcomed "Little Man" into our home.
Eight months later, he was gone. He left a few days ago with a bunch of stuff. Minnie and Donald Duck dolls, a wardrobe of clothes, his cars and trucks, his Mickey Mouse sippy cup, Nike flip-flops and a really cool pair of shoes that light up when he walks.
But this is not about all the gifts we gladly gave him. It is about the treasures he gave to us.
I can't tell you the exact minute that my wife and I fell in love with him.
He officially hooked me when he called me "daddy" for the first time. Then he piled it on:
His way of talking to inanimate objects: "Have a good day, chair!" he would sometimes say on the way out to day care. His persistence in trying to wrap flags around his little waist, wanting to play with us, when I took him to play flag football. His shout-outs of "Springsteen!" when I clicked on the CD player in the car.
And best of all, his way of imploring me to join him in the kitchen for breakfast so he could get his chocolate milk fix. "Come on, daddy," he would say, motioning to me with his little fingers. "I shows you."
It all adds up to one mushy loving mess, and in a heartbeat, we became a family.
That's how this foster parent thing usually works. Kids don't normally end up abused, neglected or in garbage bins, despite the occasional horror story in the media.
Our Little Man was not alone, unfortunately. There are more than 6,000 children living in foster homes in Florida. Each child has a different story, but share one thing in common:
They are innocent bystanders of some dysfunctional mess.
There is always an urgency to find a foster family when they are taken into state custody. Foster parents don't get to window shop, and pick out what they like best.
The foster parent thing isn't a business transaction, despite getting 18 bucks a day from the Florida Department of Children and Families. It's highly personal.
More often than not, there is a quiet resolution. Biological parents stumble, and their kids are given a safe haven while the parents progress through a case-ordered plan addressing their issues. The goal is always reunification, unless there are extreme circumstances where the parental rights are terminated.
There will be pain. But you root for the outcome that will break your heart.
"How can you let him go?" and "I would get too attached" are the lines foster parents always hear. The truth is, we have no super-powers and we get attached and we cry when they leave because your family has been ripped apart.
Through it all, you celebrate the victory of a family that is back together, whole and hopefully healthy.
I fought with every fiber in my body to keep reminding myself of that goal on our last night together when I put him to bed. We laughed and we cuddled as I read him stories from his favorite books.
I closed my eyes so he wouldn't see me crying as he said, "Love you, Daddy," and we hugged it out one last time.
The next morning, we packed his stuff and put him in the car that was taking him back home. One of his sisters was in the other car seat, smiling and happy to see him again.
I keep thinking back to that moment when I start obsessing with my personal heartache.
It is not about me. It is not about my wife. It is all about him.
He is home for Father's Day, and that is good.
Have a good day, Little Man!
To learn about becoming a foster parent, go to
http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/opinion/os-ed-george-diaz-foster-parent-0619120110617,0,471223.column
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