Dispelling Foster Care Myths

An opinion piece written for The Spectrum.com by Amy Bates.

Don't fall for the myths about foster care, adoption



The night before my first-born was scheduled to come into the world, I could not sleep. This was not only because our little "bundle of joy" decided to stick his foot into my rib, but I was just so excited by the thought of becoming his mother.

Here I am, years later, in much the same situation. As I write this article, it is the eve of our 16-year-old son being adopted into our family, and I find myself once again full of the kind of anticipation that does not allow my eyes to close.

Although there are similarities with this addition and our first one, there are some major differences. For one thing, this son will come to us pretty much grown, which is a good thing when you consider the difficulties that giving birth to a 5-foot tall, 80-pound boy might pose. Some might think a soon-to-be mother would be less than ecstatic when thinking about missing out on the baby stage and skipping right to the teen-age part, but not this mom. I am thrilled that most of that is behind me.

Since I have started writing for The Spectrum & Daily News, I have written about adoption and foster care as many times as they will let me. It is a vital part of who I am and a subject that I do not think gets enough attention. Children are suffering, and all of us need to step up and help those who need it most. I could spend my time quoting facts to you about the number of children who are waiting, how long they have to wait, or even the dire predictions made for children who "age out" of the system, but I am not sure that would motivate people to look at what they could do to help. I think it is only when we look at individual cases and hear their stories that we put a face on this heart-wrenching problem.
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The U.S. and Russia Sign New Adoption Agreement

The New York Times reports a new adoption accord signed by both countries today:
Ending a Rift, Russia and the United States Sign Adoption Accord

Help Give Inner City Kids New Experiences and Fun

The Fresh Air Fund, a nonprofit group that provides summer vacations to inner-city children from low-income communities, is looking for host families, mostly from the northeast area of the country.

About Fresh Air Children:
They are boys and girls, six to 18 years old, who live in New York City. Children on first-time visits are six to 12 years old and stay for either one or two weeks. Youngsters who are re-invited by the same family may continue with The Fund through age 18, and many enjoy longer summertime visits, year after year. A visit to the home of a warm and loving volunteer host family can make all the difference in the world to an inner-city child. All it takes to create lifelong memories is laughing in the sunshine and making new friends.

The majority of Fresh Air children are from low-income communities. These are often families without the resources to send their children on summer vacations. Most inner-city youngsters grow up in towering apartment buildings without large, open, outdoor play spaces. Concrete playgrounds cannot replace the freedom of running barefoot through the grass or riding bikes down country lanes.

See the Fresh Air website for more information.

Foster Parent Association in Central Florida Needs Larger Meeting Space

This request is from a CGC board member.  Please contact us if you can offer any suggestions!

The foster parent association has asked me to help with their childcare when they have their monthly meetings. I agreed to help but the space that they are using to meet in is really small and the kids were all in a very small room with little to play with. I would love to find some churches who would be willing to donate space so that the foster parents could meet and I could watch the kids for them in a separate area. (Preferably a playground or kid-friendly space) We need a church that is in Seminole county and one that is in East Orange. If any of you have any ideas or contacts that I could ask, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks for caring about foster kids and thanks for any help you may be able to give me!

22-Year Old is Foster Mom to 13 Ugandan Girls

Here is a great story from NPR about a young American woman who moved to Uganda to care for Ugandan orphans.  You can listen to the story or read the transcript here.

Book Review

Here is a short review from Christianity Today on the new book, Orphanology.
Awakening to Gospel-Centered Adoption and Orphan Care
Tony Merida and Rick Morton (New Hope Publishers)

"Christians do not approach orphan care as mere humanitarians but as people adopted by God through the work of Jesus Christ. Orphanology provides the burgeoning orphan care movement with a gospel-centered theological foundation as well as a comprehensive plan for getting involved at many levels, including adoption, orphanage restoration, foster care, and transitional assistance. Between adoption stories, Tony Merida and Rick Morton offer a compelling picture of how the gospel motivates us to action on behalf of the fatherless."

A Glimmer of Hope - Ways Those Who Have Adopted From Ethiopia Give Back

5 Ways Adoptive Families Give Back to Ethiopia
From Adoption Today Magazine
Despite the media’s blitz debating whether or not Ethiopia will continue on as the hot spot for international adoption, non-profit A Glimmer of Hope is seeing a different kind of trend skyrocketing within the adoptive community with strong family ties to this sub-saharan African country.  In the last six months, five adoptive families have spearheaded different personal campaigns that so far have raised almost $800,000 to fund the construction of schools, water projects and health clinics in rural Ethiopia.  Through Glimmer, a growing stream of adoptive families are giving back in big ways to the birth country of their adopted children by helping Ethiopian women and children living in extreme poverty.

A family calling
“We were very, very blessed with these two children, and had a strong calling to give back to the country that has given us so much,” Jeff Greene said.  Jeff and his wife, Kristen, might even call this trend a family affair since they have personally rallied an army of parents, sisters, brothers, cousins and a posse of close friends to their cause to give back to their children’s birth place. The Greenes’ cause hit home with many who are giving up their birthdays or participating in half-marathons and fun runs to raise donations.
Continue with story here.

A Foster Father's Experience

From Orlando Sentinel columnist George Diaz:
A Foster Father's Joy - and Heartache



He came to us last October late on a Monday afternoon, wearing a gray tank top and no shoes or socks. All of his possessions were in a plastic Publix grocery bag.

The placement woman from the Children's Home Society had cold-called as she always does, with a calm sense of urgency, looking for foster parents to take in a 22-month-old foster child. There was very little information available about him, but we asked a few questions, took a deep breath, and welcomed "Little Man" into our home.

Eight months later, he was gone. He left a few days ago with a bunch of stuff. Minnie and Donald Duck dolls, a wardrobe of clothes, his cars and trucks, his Mickey Mouse sippy cup, Nike flip-flops and a really cool pair of shoes that light up when he walks.

But this is not about all the gifts we gladly gave him. It is about the treasures he gave to us.
I can't tell you the exact minute that my wife and I fell in love with him.
He officially hooked me when he called me "daddy" for the first time. Then he piled it on:

His way of talking to inanimate objects: "Have a good day, chair!" he would sometimes say on the way out to day care. His persistence in trying to wrap flags around his little waist, wanting to play with us, when I took him to play flag football. His shout-outs of "Springsteen!" when I clicked on the CD player in the car.

And best of all, his way of imploring me to join him in the kitchen for breakfast so he could get his chocolate milk fix. "Come on, daddy," he would say, motioning to me with his little fingers. "I shows you."
It all adds up to one mushy loving mess, and in a heartbeat, we became a family.

That's how this foster parent thing usually works. Kids don't normally end up abused, neglected or in garbage bins, despite the occasional horror story in the media.

Our Little Man was not alone, unfortunately. There are more than 6,000 children living in foster homes in Florida. Each child has a different story, but share one thing in common:
They are innocent bystanders of some dysfunctional mess.

There is always an urgency to find a foster family when they are taken into state custody. Foster parents don't get to window shop, and pick out what they like best.

The foster parent thing isn't a business transaction, despite getting 18 bucks a day from the Florida Department of Children and Families. It's highly personal.

More often than not, there is a quiet resolution. Biological parents stumble, and their kids are given a safe haven while the parents progress through a case-ordered plan addressing their issues. The goal is always reunification, unless there are extreme circumstances where the parental rights are terminated.
There will be pain. But you root for the outcome that will break your heart.
"How can you let him go?" and "I would get too attached" are the lines foster parents always hear. The truth is, we have no super-powers and we get attached and we cry when they leave because your family has been ripped apart.
Through it all, you celebrate the victory of a family that is back together, whole and hopefully healthy.
I fought with every fiber in my body to keep reminding myself of that goal on our last night together when I put him to bed. We laughed and we cuddled as I read him stories from his favorite books.
I closed my eyes so he wouldn't see me crying as he said, "Love you, Daddy," and we hugged it out one last time.
The next morning, we packed his stuff and put him in the car that was taking him back home. One of his sisters was in the other car seat, smiling and happy to see him again.
I keep thinking back to that moment when I start obsessing with my personal heartache.
It is not about me. It is not about my wife. It is all about him.
He is home for Father's Day, and that is good.
Have a good day, Little Man!

To learn about becoming a foster parent, go to http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/opinion/os-ed-george-diaz-foster-parent-0619120110617,0,471223.column

Both Hands Foundation's Founder to Speak at Northland

Lifesong For Orphans and Both Hands Foundation have partnered together to create a ministry that both assists orphans (adoptive families) AND helps widows.
 The Founder and Executive Director (J.T. Olson) is coming to Orlando on a family vacation and agreed to take time to come to Northland Church on Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 7:00 PM to present an informational program.

Here is a video clip of Mr. Olson explaining how Both Hands works.

An Essay From a Former Foster Child

Being Resilient
by George Dean

"I entered Community Services at the age of 6 after my dad broke my leg. He threw me on the floor and still to this day, I wonder why. We don’t talk anymore. There have been numerous times I have tried to reconcile with him but to no end, every time was a failure.

I was shuffled in between foster homes and group homes for years, struggling to find out who I was. Not fitting in anywhere. Bullied all the time, beat up and bruised. My mind was like a never ending maze and every way I thought was the way out, led me to a concrete wall. I felt like I could never get through."
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